Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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