I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
