I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
