just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
