Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
