sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I didn't notice because vodka
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
