theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You are a genius and a whore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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