I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
