No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
