Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
