I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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