I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
