just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
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A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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