I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
