I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
