did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
