Jerry, you need to find god
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
