You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
