So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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