I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
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THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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