i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
