I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
