My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
