i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
