I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude, where are you?
... whose car?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.