Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
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Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want nice things and good sex
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law