Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
Well my cheeks are red now
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You need a sexual gate keeper
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?