none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED