I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.