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You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
someone owes me an orgasm
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
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