Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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