Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
