im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
