AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
