I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
someone owes me an orgasm
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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