i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
