dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Blood and glitter go together right?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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