so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
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