That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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