It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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