You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
