i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
