You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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