Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
