Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
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The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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