I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
