I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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