Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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