Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
