she woke up with a sticky ear
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
