careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
