Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
