peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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