I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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