It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
