so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
