Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Of course I have a pirate flag
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
