Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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