If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drake has all the answers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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