this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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