Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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