Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Sober January is a disaster.
bring money and cleavage
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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