How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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