I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
