i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
