I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
