Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
