i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
