You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
