My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
