dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
