I want to stick my p in your. b.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
