This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
