Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
