my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
