we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
