Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
