She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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