i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
