Farmville is her only friend.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
